I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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