I wish I only lived at night.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
