Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
