"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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