It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
