the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is wine microwaveable?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
