I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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