I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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