You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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