he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
