I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
