Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
