Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My hand turned me down
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
