It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
