apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
