I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
