Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
