we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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