Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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