please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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