you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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