Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
