yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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