Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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