3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So much rum. So many feels.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
