as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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