Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
