We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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