He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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