Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
