Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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