The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
