Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
