Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize