The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
