Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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