apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
