Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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