You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
