Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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