my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Gay?
German.
Pity.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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