I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
