Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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