Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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