how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
