If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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