She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
