She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ttyl tear gas
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
