Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
