O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
