he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Vodka?
Forever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
