i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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