A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
