so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize
