I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
