Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
