I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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