Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
