Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
