Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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