I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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