the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
