You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
