Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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