you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
