I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is Oprah even human
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
