Got a toothbrush?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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