Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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