i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
