Having a random hookup so left but love u
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
