I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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