I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
