You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
