I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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