i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
