ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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