i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
