This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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