Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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