cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
