party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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